What is the biggest red flag you see among the girls and their parents?

By Brandi Jackson | Brandi Jackson Golf

Last year I conducted a survey asking college coaches to weigh in on some of the most important questions in the recruiting process. Every coach is different — they look for different things and have varying opinions — but what follows represents the most common and consistent themes from their responses on a this topic.

This week’s question:

What is the biggest red flag you see among the girls and their parents?

I want you to read this one carefully. Because the responses were not just consistent — they were overwhelming. And if there is one article in this entire series that every junior golfer and her parents needs to read and take seriously, it is this one.

The Number One Red Flag — Parental Over-Involvement

There is no other way to say this — the single most common red flag coaches mentioned across the board was parents who are too involved in the recruiting process.

Not a little too involved. Significantly too involved. And coaches notice it in more ways than most families realize.

One coach put it plainly: “Parents taking over the process. They won’t be playing for us.” Another said: “Big turnoff to me if I sense that a profile is created and managed by a parent — parent email addresses, parent written emails. It is important to see that the athlete is ready to step out as a young adult without parents hovering.”

Here is the hard truth — when a parent takes over the recruiting process it does not just slow things down. It can end a recruit’s chances with a program entirely. Coaches are not just evaluating your daughter’s game. They are evaluating whether she is ready to function as an independent young adult on their team. When mom or dad is doing everything for her the answer to that question becomes very clear very quickly.

And the examples coaches shared go further than most families expect:

  • A parent who answers questions during an in-person meeting
  • A parent who joins a phone call with a coach too early in the process
  • A parent who writes the emails
  • A parent who does everything for his/her daughter during tournament time

Every single one of these sends the same message to a coach — and it is not a good one.

Coaches Are Watching Everything

One coach shared something that every family needs to hear: “I watch everything — from body language on the golf course while recruiting, to interactions with parents during a visit or while they are playing. If a parent is overly involved it is usually a big turnoff because it interferes with me getting to know the actual player.”

But that same coach added something important: “There just needs to be a good balance of parent and coach interaction because I do not think it is fair for parents to be completely shut out of the process either.”

This is a critical distinction. The goal is not for parents to disappear from the process entirely. The goal is balance. Coaches want to see a young woman who can speak for herself, advocate for herself, and engage independently — while still having a healthy and supportive family behind her.

Other Red Flags Coaches Are Watching For

Beyond parental involvement coaches mentioned several other things that raise immediate red flags:

Too much focus on big name schools.
When a recruit — or her family — is clearly only interested in high-profile programs without a realistic assessment of fit or ability level it tells coaches that the priorities may be off. Coaches want players who genuinely want to be at their program — not players who are using them as a backup plan.

Lack of self-awareness about ability level.
Multiple coaches mentioned over-inflated expectations from both players and parents about where a recruit can realistically play. Coaches appreciate families who have done honest research and understand the landscape — and they are immediately put off by those who have not.

Dishonesty about scores.
One coach was direct: “Lying about your scoring average or leaving scores off.” This is a serious red flag that goes beyond golf — it is a character issue. Coaches talk to each other, they do their research, and they will find out. Honesty and transparency are always the right approach no matter what the numbers look like.

Withdrawing from tournaments.
Signs of lacking toughness came up specifically — and withdrawals from tournaments without legitimate reasons were called out directly. As one coach put it: “Signs of lack of toughness — mom and dad doing everything for you, withdrawals from tournaments, constant excuses about bad scores.” Coaches want mentally tough players who finish what they start.

Lack of authenticity and excitement.
One coach made a point that does not get said enough: “Don’t be afraid to tell a coach you love their school if you love it. We can tell if you are not being authentic.” Coaches are human beings who are investing significant time and resources into recruiting. They want to feel that genuine excitement and connection — and they can absolutely tell when it is not there.

Poor attitude and body language.
Coaches are watching how a recruit carries herself on the course, how she treats the people she is playing with, and how she interacts with her own parents. Rudeness, a bad temper, and poor body language after bad shots are all red flags that follow a recruit long after the tournament is over.

The Takeaway for Players

Your recruiting profile, your emails, your phone calls, and your campus visits all need to come from you. Your voice. Your words. Your initiative. Coaches are recruiting you — not your family. The more you own this process the more confident and capable you will appear to every coach who is watching.

And they are always watching.

The Takeaway for Parents

Your role in this process matters enormously — but it looks very different from what many parents expect. The most powerful thing you can do for your daughter’s recruiting journey is to support her from behind the scenes. Help her prepare. Help her think through her options. Be her sounding board at home.

But let her lead. Let her send the emails. Let her make the phone calls. Let her answer the questions on the campus visit. Let her carry her own bag and do her own thing at tournaments. Let her fail. Let her get back up.

The coaches who are the right fit for your daughter will notice — and they will respect her all the more for it.

Stay tuned — more coach survey responses are coming over the next few weeks!

Brandi Jackson is the RecruitPKB College Consultant and the founder of Brandi Jackson Golf. Her mission: Helping Young Women Find Their College Golf Home.

To learn more or schedule your free 30-minute consultation visit [LINK] or reach out at [brandi@brandijacksongolf.com].