“Do not initiate communication with a college coach before your daughter does.”

This reminder is so important.

As a parent, it’s perfectly acceptable—and expected—to build a relationship with a coach during the process. Asking questions, discussing finances, and understanding logistics are all part of your role. After all, you are handing your daughter off to this person for four years, and a coach knows you’ll have things to clarify.

But the initial contact and the majority of communication must come directly from your daughter.

She should be the one writing the emails, making the phone calls, scheduling video chats, and carrying the conversations during visits. Coaches want to hear from her—not because they don’t value parents, but because they’re evaluating maturity, initiative, communication skills, and independence.

When parents take over, two things happen:

  1. It hurts her recruiting chances
    Coaches immediately question whether she is ready for the expectations of college athletics and adulthood.

  2. It prevents her from developing essential life skills
    Confidence, communication, independence, responsibility—these are all built through this process, not after it.

Supporting your daughter doesn’t mean leading for her.
It means guiding her, encouraging her, and letting her step into the role she’s preparing for.