Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Playing Partner

Every time you hit a bad shot, have a tough hole, or make a mental mistake, pause for a second and ask yourself this:

“What would I say to my playing partner if they just did the same thing?”

Chances are, you wouldn’t respond with,
“That was stupid,”
“What were you thinking?” or
“You’re terrible.”

More than likely, you’d say something like,
“It’s okay,”
“Shake it off,” or
“You’ve got the next one.”

You probably wouldn’t have much emotional reaction at all. You might feel for them if they’re having a rough day, but you would never put them down or question their ability.

So why do we do that to ourselves?

Why is it so easy to tear ourselves down after a bad shot or mistake—but so natural to build others up?

You Are Not Your Enemy

The truth is, many golfers become their own worst enemy on the course.

While a small amount of self-criticism can sometimes motivate improvement, negative self-talk is never productive—on or off the golf course. It doesn’t help you recover. It doesn’t help you perform better. And over time, it quietly chips away at your confidence and self-belief.

Instead of reacting emotionally to a poor result, shift your focus to something far more valuable: the process.

Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome

When something goes wrong, take a step back and evaluate the situation with curiosity—not judgment.

Ask yourself:

• Did I consider all the factors before selecting my club?
• Did I choose the right club for the shot?
• Did I fully commit to my target and decision?
• Did I execute the swing the way I intended?

This type of reflection helps you learn and improve without attaching negativity to the result. The outcome may not have been what you wanted, but there is always something to gain from understanding why.

Awareness Creates Change

One of the most powerful steps you can take is simply becoming aware of how you talk to yourself.

Try this:

• Ask a friend, coach, or teammate to write down a few positive words or traits they see in you. Keep those in your golf bag as a reminder of who you are beyond a single shot or round.
• Or use a simple awareness drill inspired by Vision54 coaches Lynn Marriott and Pia Nilsson:
  Start your round with 10 tees in one pocket. Each time you have a negative or unproductive thought, move one tee to the other pocket.

You may be surprised at how quickly those tees move—and how often your thoughts impact your performance.

Choose to Be Your Own Support System

Golf is hard enough without working against yourself.

You don’t need to be perfect—but you do need to be supportive of your own game. The same encouragement you so easily give to others is exactly what you should be giving yourself.

Because confidence isn’t built from perfect shots—it’s built from how you respond when things don’t go your way.

So the next time something goes wrong, remember:

Talk to yourself like you would a playing partner.

Brandi Jackson
RecruitPKB College Consultant
Helping female golfers build confidence, clarity, and success in the recruiting process